Responsibility requires meaningful practice (there’s definitely a pattern here) to develop. Dr. Montessori said that children seek independence by means of work. Having real responsibilities in the home and at school brings meaning and purpose to their lives and helps them prepare to shoulder more responsibilities as they grow, developing stamina and resilience.
Responsibility also teaches life skills–from laundry and cleaning (neither of which come naturally!) to time management and forethought. “The data emerging about the mental health of our kids only confirms the harm done by asking so little of our kids when it comes to life skills, yet so much of them when it comes to adhering to the academic plans we’ve made for them and achieving more, ever more academically.” -Julie Lythcott-Haims (Stanford dean and author of “How to Raise an Adult”)
Meaningful work means that there is a chance to fail; parents cannot follow behind their children fixing or changing their work. If the child forgets to take out the trash, the whole family needs to suffer until he take the trash out. If she forgets her lunch or homework, don’t bring it to her. Let your children figure out a solution with the help of another adult. It’s not meaningful responsibility if nothing changes when they don’t do it. Their pebble has to produce ripples.
Kids who have true responsibilities may gripe or roll their eyes, telling you that no other parent is so mean, but there is no substitute for their pride at all they can accomplish and the maturity that develops as a result.